


The Bucket List

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, The Joker dcu - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Humor, Illnesses, Light Angst, Love, Major Illness, Sickness, Terminal Illnesses, The Joker - Freeform, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker dcu, The Joker fanfiction, The Joker imagine, The Joker/you - Freeform, The joker/reader - Freeform, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15708879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: Two months after breaking up with The Joker, you found out the bad news. You didn’t have a choice but to ask for his help and J didn’t even show up for the meeting. Of course he didn’t care, but now that he heard why you wanted to see him so badly, it might be too late for any amendments.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr under the same blog name: DiYunho.

“I’m out of here…” you announce, lifting your bag and taking a few steps towards the door. The Joker doesn’t reply, he just watches you in silence, leaning on the back wall of the master bedroom.

“That’s all you want?” he speaks up in a bitter tone when you are almost out of the quarters.

“Yes, that’s all…” you whisper and don’t turn around, continuing your walk. After a few moments, J wants to add something but gives up when he hears the elevator. He knows you’re already gone.

****************

Things went from worse to worst until both couldn’t take it anymore. You were aware he’d never leave the penthouse so you decided to break it off sooner rather than later. You were actually surprised he didn’t try to stop you when you told him about your decision: after all, he doesn’t like people to leave until he says so. You were determined to continue with the plan even he would have attempt to disagree. But he didn’t. Probably happy to get rid of you in such a timely manner. The Joker must have really hated you if he didn’t bother with any kind of reaction.

Oh, well, serves you right for thinking you meant something to him. Lesson learned.

****************

The first time he got a sign from you was after about 2 months. You called and he didn’t answer. It came through as “unknown number” because you weren’t in his contacts anymore, but he had the digits memorized. After about one hour, he received a text message: “Could you please meet me tonight around 10pm at the corner of Spencer’s and North Avenue? It’s really important. Please…I really need to talk to you.”

J deleted the message, upset you bothered him. For some reason though, he decided to go and see what the hell you wanted. He waited in the shadows behind the apartment building, watching you nervously pacing under the street light. You held a few papers in your hand and seemed distressed.

The Joker regretted coming so he stayed hidden, but didn’t leave. You waited for an hour and it began to rain. He could see you were soaked to the bone, still waiting on the almost deserted sidewalk. He was drenched also and didn’t move. You started to cry when you realized he won’t show up, holding up those papers to your chest. After another half an hour passed, you signaled a cab and one saw you right away. J decided to come out, thinking that if you notice him, he’ll talk to you. If not, oh well…

Of course you got into the taxi and didn’t see him approach. He had the perfect excuse for his indifference and you swore never to get a hold of him again. You bawled all the way back to your house, mad at yourself for being such an idiot. Yet, not too many choices at the time. You erased his phone number from your cell and as soon as you got home you smashed the phone to pieces, crying your eyes out since The Joker didn’t want to at least meet you when you really needed his help for once.

******************

After 7 months, J is in a meeting, planning a heist and some transactions on the black market with his old business partner when the conversation steered towards your absence at the negotiation table. Everyone knew you were gone, but Jasper still ran his mouth.

“That’s too bad about what happened to Y/N, hm? How old is she, 35 ? I hope she makes it… Hard to tell with this kind of stuff…”

Your ex is not excited to hear your name. He would love to blow Jasper’s brains, but he’s still needed.

“Don’t push it,” J growls, annoyed, clenching his jaw. The guy lifts his hands up in surrender, not having any desire to irritate the Clown Prince of Crime.

“No disrespect, sir, I was just talking without thinking.”

J keeps on marking locations on the map, absent minded.

“So…what happened to her?” he utters, not lifting his eyes from the important project.

“You don’t know?!” Jasper replies, intrigued.

“No,” J simply answers, sniffling.

“Do you really care to find out?”

“No… But tell me anyway!”

*** He debated for a week if he should call you or not. When he finally dialed your digits, the flat message made him roll his eyes: “This number has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

It took J about 3 more weeks to find your whereabouts. You can easily make yourself disappear under fake identities. Thankfully, The Joker has several ways of using his numerous resources when necessary.

********************

Oh, no! you think when you hear the doorbell. You slowly get up from the couch, dizzy from the monthly IV medication dripping in your veins, one of the treatments you do at home. You grab the IV pole, rolling it towards the door. You bought this house outside the city, not wanting to be bothered. No neighbors around. And you didn’t order any food or supplies to be delivered like you usually do.

“Coming!” you announce, holding on to the wall with your free hand. “Who is it?” you inquire before opening the door.

“Pizza delivery,” the muffled voice answers.

“I didn’t order any pizza,” and you crack the door open. “Shit!” you gasp when you see J standing there and you shut the entrance immediately, locking it.

“Really?!” you hear him and you back out, alarmed. Surprisingly, no knocking or pounding. And it clicks: the sliding glass door on the back porch is opened! You force yourself to walk as fast as you can, difficult since you are hooked to your IV.

“Dammit,” you mumble when you get to the living room and see he already got inside.

“I wasn’t aiming for this reaction,” J frowns, taking a few steps towards you.

“What…what are you doing here?!” you demand to find out since you’re not pleased about his presence. You really don’t need whatever the hell this is right now.

“What’s wrong with you?” he cuts to the chase, not in the mood for chitchatting. Those piercing eyes urge for an explanation.

“Nothing,” you grumble and squeeze the pole harder.

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” he points towards your IV. You sigh, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

“It’s only…only something to slow down the process…”

“What process?” The Joker barks, biting on his cheek.

“The process of me dying too fast,” you serenely admit. He keeps on staring at you, kind of stupefied at how you look: skinny, pale, dark circles under your eyes and he can notice it all since you have no make-up on. Your hair is dark blonde now, still long yet visibly thinned out.

“Nonsense, you’re too young,” he drops on the chair closer to him, crossing his legs.“Who helps you?” he begins another tirade of questions.

“Nobody; I leave alone, away from everyone. I don’t want to be seen like this and I can take care of myself,” you swallow the bitter taste on your tongue, nauseated. All the drugs you take have such awesome side effects. “Is this an interrogation? Because I don’t want to talk nor see anybody. So if you would just leave…” and you nod towards the sliding door he sneaked through.

“Nonsense,” he cuts you off, bouncing his leg on top of the other, impatient. He reaches for the papers scattered on the table in front of him, reading the names of the numerous vials with tablets, capsules and lozenges, aggravated. “Do you have a list of all the stuff you take?”

“Wh-what?! Could you just…just leave please?!” and you gag, almost vomiting, rushing to snatch a container from the kitchen counter with anti-nausea medication. You swallow one tablet with a few sips of water and go sit down on the couch, exhausted. J watches your every move without any comment.

“If you don’t leave I’ll call the cops,” you close your eyes, feeling the room spinning.

“Please do, I would love to tell them who you really are,” he scoffs, rattling some of your pills, amazed on how huge they are. Crap, the police threat didn’t work.

“Go home to your girlfriend and leave me alone,” you encourage him, hoping he’ll get lost.

“Go home to your girlfriend,” he imitates you, giving you a mean glare. “Do I look like a fool in a leash to you?! Don’t insult me! Plus, I hate her!” he snarls, finding what he came for in the documents pile: an inventory of all the things you take for your condition.

“You hate everybody, “ you whisper, biting your dry lips.

“A skill I take a lot of pride in,” he cracks his neck and finally gets up.

“Why are you here?” you tilt your head to the side, fighting to keep your raging sickness under control. “ Where…where were you when I needed you so badly, hm? I asked for a meeting and you didn’t even bother to come…I was scared and seeked your help. How stupid of me…,” you sadly smile and even if you don’t seem to cry, J notices tears rolling down your face. “Of course you are too busy to be bothered with someone so insignificant as your ex that wanted to tell you she found out she’s dying…” you wipe your tears, not breaking eye contact. Him adding to your misery doesn’t aid.

“Shut up, you’re not dying!!! And don’t talk to me like this again!” he growls at you before slamming the sliding door behind him. 

“I AM DYING!!” you yell, taking deep breaths to cool down. 

My God, what in the world was that?!!! Do you have to move now?! You are in no mood to do so, but probably you’ll have to pull yourself together and vanish once more. How did he find you?

******************

You didn’t hear anything from him in a while and you are relieved: probably forgot about his little project involving you and lost interest like he usually does when he gets bored. It’s better this way; you don’t need to be stressed out about more problems, you don’t need your life turned upside down more than it already is.

You are coming back from your weekly check up at the clinic and you notice a black car in your driveway. You groan when you see Frost coming out of the vehicle, waiting for you. No choice but to park next to him and meet him.

“Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Frost,” you cautiously greet. “Is J here?”

“No, but boss wanted me to give you this,” and Jonny hands over a sealed box.

“What is this?” you check, curious to hear about it. What is he up to?!

“Mister J says the directions are inside: take one of the red pills three times a day and the blue one just once daily. He also said to stop taking the three meds he crossed over on your med list. All in the box,” Frost blurs out, getting ready to flee. He sure is uncomfortable; knowing you, you’ll certainly decline.

“I don’t want anything from him!” you raise your voice.

He was afraid this will happen.

You place the box on the hood, heading towards the porch.

“I can’t tell him that! Please take it!”

“I don’t know what the hell those pills are and I don’t need his help. Just tell him I said that!”

“He’s not gonna like it…” Frost grumbles.

“So? I want to be left alone!!”

****************

You are getting ready to go to sleep when you hear a loud bang: your front door is being opened and slammed. Must be J…and you are correct.

“Y/N?! Y/N! Where are you?” The Joker shouts, looking around for you.

“Ummm…here,” you get on your knees in bed, covering yourself with the comforter and bracing for the worst.

He storms in your bedroom, holding the box he sent earlier.

“I understand you refuse to take this?” his low voice echoes in the whole house.

“Yes, I don’t want it. Please leave!”

“Do you know what I’ve been doing for the past 3 weeks since I last saw you? Hmmm? Do you?!” he starts unwrapping the seal around the box, tossing it by you. “I broke into 3 research facilities, about 5 hospitals, kidnapped doctors and blackmailed others in exchange for information and treatments. Showed your med list to all of them and they came up with some new options for your disease!” J is so mad he’s slamming all the vials around, taking a red tablet out of one. “Take this!!” he shoves it in your face and you hesitantly move your head backwards.

“It’s a new experimental drug!!“ he roughly grabs your jaw.” I’ll get rid of the stuff you don’t have to take anymore.”

You sniffle, intrigued by his behavior and escape his grasp.

“Why are you tormenting me? Are you that bored? Why don’t you go back to Gotham?” You wipe your forehead, already tired from all this crap. “Do you feel…guilty?” you touch his hand, moving it away. He brings his face very close to yours, panting with indignation:

“I’m fucking buying you more time!! So take this goddamned pill or I’ll force you! I mean it!!”

You sigh, weighting in the options.

“Fine…I’ll take it…Are you happy now?” you reach for the bottle of water on the night stand and swallow the given medication.

“Ecstatic!” J grinds his teeth, vexed. “They told me you should expect nasty side effects, but it will get better.” 

You shrink under the cover.

“Well, I took it, so…you don’t have to be here anymore.”

“Are you kicking me out?” he goes on the other side of the bed, starting to pile up pillows.

“Please go back to Gotham,” you beg, uneasy at the thought of him spending the night.

He stretches, fed up with the conversation, wanting to relax after another long day.

******************

One hour later you started feeling the aftermath of your new drug. You are used with being sick and yet it doesn’t make it easier. You shiver like a leaf, moaning in pain, adding 2 painkillers when the aching becomes unbearable. You try to get comfortable but it’s useless.

“Are you cold?” J asks, moving closer to you. “You…need… anything?” he struggles to offer, not really knowing how to react to the situation. You nod a faint yes, reaching your hands for him:

“Y-you…” the weak response comes, making him scoot over without hesitation. A strange warmness washes all over him, making his heart beat faster and it’s not a pleasant emotion. You curl up in a ball against his body while he covers you with his blanket too.

“J…” you whimper when his arms go around you, “ O-one of these days they’ll find me dead in here. C-can you take my things? I would hate for s-strangers to come in here, stealing what doesn’t belong to them. You know how much I care a-about my things… Y-yes?”

The Joker believes you’re delirious; he was warned about this common side effect of what you’re taking. Maybe you are…

“No, I won’t!” he emphasizes his refusal, inflexible in his decision.

“W-why not?” you lick your dried lips, getting even more upset.

“I only provide my services to people I like. You’re not on the list,” he makes sure to remind you.

“N-nobody’s on the list,” you crack an awkward smile, squinting your eyes when the muscle spasms hit again.

“Exactly,” J acknowledges, wondering how the hell you manage on your own when you are so ill. He caresses your hair and he notices so many strands left around his fingers.

“Jesus, Y/N!“ escapes his mouth before he can stop the words.

“I k-know I should shave my h-head and I just keep on p-postponing,” you tremble, praying you can rest for a little bit. So many sleepless nights, twisted thoughts and therapies took their toll on you.

After about 2 hours you finally fall asleep and he dozes off also, worn out and fighting with himself about what should happen next. J is not sure how long he’s been out, but when he wakes up it’s still dark and you are in his arms. It seems you didn’t move at all and he notices you’re not breathing.

“Hey, hey, Y/N, wake up!” he softly slaps your shoulder and there is no reaction. “Hey! Wake up I said!” he gets up on his elbow, terrified for once. “Open your eyes! Wake up!!!!” he shakes you, feeling he’s starting to sweat from the anxiety.

“Mmmm,” he hears your mumble and you cuddle more to his chest, keeping your hands under his pillow. “What is it?” you whisper, yawning.

He puts his head back on the cushions , truthfully admitting:

“Shit, I thought you died…”

“Not yet…” you calm him down, not wishing to wake up yet. “Go back to sleep, I’m fine…My blood pressure gets really low sometimes, I’m still here…” you kiss the skin in front of your lips, not realizing what you’re doing. You fall back into your dreamless daze while The Joker is unable to do anything else but repeat in his mind the simple sentence you used to let him know you’re still alive: “Not yet.”

*******************

You don’t go to the clinic anymore. A lot of your old meds are not needed according to the new care plan in place for you. New stuff is being added and some doctors are even brought to your house so they can assess you. Tests after tests, trial and error of all the drugs that The King of Gotham is able to smuggle and steal for you. You have such bad days you seriously consider giving up, which was the main idea before he showed up at your home that day.

You have no clue why he’s putting so much effort into it and he gets mad when you fight him, refusing to take your meds.

“Nothing is really working, they make me feel worse!” you sob, having a really bad day while being hooked to your new IV.

“Tough it out, Pumpkin, could be worse,” he grouchily snarls, moving some of your books around.

“You can’t buy me life, it’s too late,” you wail on your couch, depressed and ailing in every single fiber of your body.

“I’m not buying you life, Y/N, I’m buying you time!” J aims towards all the vials, bottles and containers containing the remedies you actually need.

“What does your girlfriend has to say about this? I bet she detests me since you spend so much time here,” you want to mention, blowing your nose in a tissue.

“I told you I hate her so I don’t care about what she thinks!” he barks and shoves the books around when a piece of paper folded in two flies out from one of them and lands on the floor. He picks it up and opens it, reading your note:

Bucket list

-go to Japan

\- a family

\- see J one last time - no, no, no!!

-meeting my knight in shining armor (he huffs)

-kidnap Commissar Gordon again (he smirks)

-see J one last time – no!!!!!!!!!!

-find out Batsy’s identity (he grins)

-steal more diamonds

-see J one last time - NOOOOO!!!!!!

“What are you doing?!” you jump off the couch when you see the paper in his hand.

“A bucket list Doll ?! Really?” he laughs because he has no better idea of how to get rid of this awful feeling in his heart.

“That’s private, give it back!” you barely drag your feet to go to him and yank the list out of his hand, placing in a drawer. “This is very personal stuff, you have no right to…”

“I do what I want!” he interrupts, giving you a high and mighty gaze. So typical. 

“You can’t just…”

“Tell someone that cares,” he turns his back on you, returning to his task and you sit there with your mouth open, outraged. You forgot to cry. “When are you going to shave your head? The new IV med will really make you lose more hair, that’s what they told me,” The Joker chatters, turning his attention towards you again. “Want me to do it for you? I’ve seen you have the electric hair clipper in the bathroom. Don’t be a chicken and do it!” he distracts you from your tirade.

“I’m not sure if…” you try to negotiate, but I guess he has a new assignment on the horizon. You are conscious you’ve been delaying this forever; your hair is so thin and limp it’s gross.

“Nahhh, I think we should go on with it! No better time than the present!” and he takes your hand, guiding you towards the bathroom while you steadily roll the IV pole with you. “Sit!” he pushes your shoulders down on the chair and brings over the tool, turning it on. You nervously gulp, watching chunks of your locks piling up on the marble flooring.

“Done!” he announces and you touch your bald head, getting up so you can see yourself in the mirror. It looks terrible and you start weeping.

“Ahhh, it’s not that bad kid. You’re still fairly pretty. To be honest, you’re uglier than before but I can still look at you,” J cheerfully concludes.

You elbow him through tears, appalled at your reflection.

“You suck at making people feel better, you know that?”

“Another skill I take great pride in,” he winks, grinding his silver teeth and you cry harder.

“My hair…it’s …just…gone,” you stammer, saddened beyond control, stroking your shaved skin.

He sighs, softly pushing you away from the mirror, still holding the trimmer.

“You know, Princess, I’m starting to get sick of my green hair, I had it for a while,” he passes his fingers through it, turning his head left and right.

“Huh?” you whimper, sniffling.

Before you can react, he turns on the trimmer again, starting to shave his head. You stop bawling, shocked, watching his green locks falling to the ground.

“What are you doing, J?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? Getting rid of something I’m bored with. There, done! Com’ere!” he urges you to return in front of the mirror with him. “I think we look pretty good, won’t you say?” he puckers his lips and you start crying so hard it makes him cringe. “Would you stop it??!! I didn’t do it for you, I’m too selfish. I was really tired of my toxic green hair, got it?”

You nod a yes and hug him, squeezing him in your arms as hard as you can since your IV line doesn’t permit a wide range of motion.

********************

Later that evening

“Are you ready?” he peeks in the bedroom to see you dressed up. “Told you some make-up will do the job, you’re much prettier now. Still not up to my standards, but…”

You walk towards him in your floral summer dress, sulking.

“Horrible person…” you mutter, elbowing him. “Where are we going?”

“I need your help with something and since you didn’t get out of the house in forever, I have plans for today.”

“Where are we going?” you insist, stepping outside and observe the silver car on the driveway, probably dropped off by his men because he didn’t have it there this morning.

The Joker gets dresses with his silver jacket, taking a deep breath before laying it down for you:

“The silver jacket is the most I can do for the shiny armor, ok? Plus the car,” and cracks his fingers, a bit uneasy.

You seem puzzled.

“Your stupid bucket list, Doll: the knight in shining armor thing. I’m not wearing a dumb armor, this is the most I’m willing to do.”

You stare at him, speechless, on the verge of crying as he can see your lips quivering.

“Uhhh, give me a break!” J growls, giving you a nudge towards the car.

******************

“What are we doing at Jasper’s hideout?” you step out of the car, wondering what he has in mind.

“Some business to attend to and I need your help, OK?”

“OK,” you agree, hesitant.

When you both walk in with the new bald looks, everybody at the meeting instantly stops talking and glances, astonished.

“Wha’? “ J guides you to your seats, “You didn’t see two beautiful people before?!” and the tone in his voice makes them all aware they shouldn’t make it so obvious they’re perplexed at the change.

They all start talking in the same time, apologizing and attempting to fix their mistake.

“Shut the hell up!” he addresses the crowd, irked. “Wrong spot, Y/N!” he signals you to get up from your chair and you do as asked, confused. “Here!” he pulls you in his lap and you place your hand around his neck, smiling. “We are negotiating with this fine…gentlemen; I’m too exhausted for this, you do it.”

Wow, they didn’t see you in more than a year and now you show up here with Mister J, back to what you used to do. What’s going on? they all ask themselves, knowing they won’t get an answer.

The Joker rests his head on your shoulder, listening to the sound of your voice resonating in his ears.

He might not be able to buy life for the girl he hates so much, but he can buy her time. As much as he can.


	2. Chapter 2

8:30am - your home

You quietly get out of bed, groggy from the meds you have to take at 6am. The Joker is still sleeping and you try not to wake him up. After a few steps a wave of violent cough hits and you cover your mouth, rushing for the bathroom. You close the door behind you and keep coughing above the sink, a few drops of blood staining the white marble. You turn on the water to cover the sounds, hoping J won’t hear you.

After a few moments you calm down and wash your face, starting to brush your teeth.

“Pumpkin, are you OK?” he impatiently knocks on the door.

“Yes, I’m fine, go back to sleep please,” you muffle the words, finishing your morning routine.

J walks in and you run behind the bamboo panel, starting to take your PJ’s off, getting ready for a shower.

“Why do you always hide behind that?” The Joker crosses his arms on his chest, waiting for the reply. You are so self-conscious about your appearance you don’t really want him to see you naked anymore.

“Umm…I just think it’s better to…”

“Get out of there!” he commands, sucking on his teeth.

“I can’t…” you whisper, gulping.

“I wanna see you, stop hiding behind that thing all the time!”

You quickly wrap yourself in a towel and step away from the screen. The Joker rolls his eyes, leaning against the mahogany cabinet. 

“Drop the towel, Doll!”

You whimper, anxious to his demand:

“I don’t want to…Don’t make me!”

“Drop the damned towel, Princess!” he snaps and you slowly uncover your body, not remembering feeling so vulnerable in your entire life.

“This is humiliating,” you stare at him while he grins, pleased you complied so fast.

“Like I’ve never seen you naked before,” he scoffs, analyzing the view.

“I look horrible!” you blur out, covering your breasts with one hand.

“Well,” he pretends to debate,” you’re scrawny and I have to admit the lack of hair doesn’t give you extra points, but…”

You gasp, frowning.

“You definitely are a terrible person!”

“Yet another skill I take great pride in. Anyway, my point is that it could be worse, Kitten.We gotta work with what we have, hm? Turn around.”

You take a deep breath, nervous as hell.

“Not too bad, Y/N, but you do have a big butt. If you go in the backyard like this, I think we’ll have another solar eclipse.”

“What?!” you turn your head to glare, alarmed.

“Ha!” J snorts, “I made you look.”

You start laughing, embarrassed:

“You’re so horrible!”

“U-hum. Com’ere!” he signals and you hesitantly go in his arms. “I believe that…” You don’t let him finish. You reach for his lips and kiss him, pulling down on his boxers.

“Well, well, well,” he purrs, “What is this, Doll?”

“Something on my bucket list,” you mutter in his ear, still tense.

“I don’t recall seeing this on that piece of paper,” he teases, smirking.

“I didn’t have a chance to write it down,” you trace the playing cards tattoo on his neck as innocently as possible.

“Interesting,” he lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. “Just admit you want to get in my boxers.”

You giggle, not answering.

“You’re so light,” J sulks, beginning to walk back towards the bedroom. “You think you can handle me, Princess?”

You raise your shoulders up, kissing him again.

“Oh, yeah,” you moan, determined to make love to him even if it kills you.

“Two baldies having sex, that’s pretty hot, huh?” he winks at you and then bites your lower lip, placing you on the bed.

“Not quite,” you chuckle, caressing his hairless head.

“Speak for yourself, woman; I’m still handsome. Plus, I don’t have a huge butt,” The Joker maliciously laughs when he sees how big your eyes got.

“You’re the worst person ever!” you yank his hand, stunned.

“From all the skills I’m proud of, this is my top favorite. Now stop praising me, I’m starting to blush,” he dramatically accentuates his little speech with a sneer, glad he got you all worked up.

3pm

You didn’t want to go with him at the warehouse because you don’t feel too good, but J insisted. You see the henchmen running around with a bunch of boxes, making space and getting rid of the old stuff you guys didn’t use in forever.

“What did you want to show me?” you lean on his arm, grateful you already took your painkillers since your body is getting stiff again.

“Your stupid bucket list, Doll,” he explains. “You wanted to go to Japan and you are aware we can’t because we’ll get caught. We don’t use this place very often so I got you a bunch of Japanese items; do what you want with them. Tell our men where you want everything and they’ll move it for you.”

He senses you’re squeezing his hand really hard and your eyes get watery.

“Spare me, Y/N!” he elbows you, irritated. “Let’s skip the drama!” but he kisses your temple and you nod in acceptance, excited to see what he got for you.

“What else did you have on that’s stupid list? Oh, yeah: a family,” The Joker answers his own question, mad about it. You want to say a few things but he keeps on yapping.

“Why do you need a family for, huh? Nothing but trouble. See these jerks here?” and he points out towards the goons laboring hard to accomplish the task at hand. “They’ll do whatever you ask them and won’t fight back. Better than a family. And you have me. I hate you, but we gotta work with what we have, OK?”J gets angrier since he hopes you won’t get very emotional again; he can’t stand it.

“OK…” you are fast to please him but start crying, unable to hold it in. The henchmen keep on glaring your way, rapidly averting their gaze when they realize there’s something very intimate going on between the both of you: you’re sobbing on J’s shoulder and he has this “fed up with everything” expression on his face while holding your waist. The lack of hair makes him look even more imposing, menacing and vicious.

8:03pm

The Joker dragged you to one of the clubs where he will have a meeting with one of his smugglers that has a new medication for you. Another experimental product found only on the black market that might help.

It’s your IV day so you retreated to the sound proof room, trying to take a nap until the IV bag is done. J is in the VIP section, talking to Nix. Frost is there also, keeping an eye on things. The discussion is going reasonably smooth until the asshole forgets who he’s talking to.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the same bitch, Mister J!” he puffs, acting surprised. Jonny lifts his eyebrows, ready to react but his boss didn’t signal him yet. The Joker holds his breath for a few long seconds, then loudly exhales.

“Yeah, same bitch,” he stares at the guy with a crazy sparkle in his blue eyes.

“So the pills are for her? I heard she’s really sick, but still alive and kicking. Tough bitch I guess,” Nix laughs, confident of his funny remarks. He has a reputation of being fierce and stepping over boundaries because he has access to a lot of merchandise on the black market that not too many smugglers can obtain.

“Tough bitch indeed,” J agrees, holding his breath again.

“Word is you shaved your head for her. Now, I’ve never thought I’ll see a man like you in love, Mister J,” Nix snickers, taking the tablets out of the suitcase.

Is this fucking prick for reals?! Frost thinks, waiting for a sign and he finally sees J tapping his fingers on the cane. Jonny cracks his neck, relieved.

It’s gonna be my pleasure, he grins, punching his fists together.

9pm

The door being busted makes you open your eyes. J turns the lights on and pushes Nix in front of you, kicking him in the shin so hard he collapses on his knees.

“What’s going on, baby?” you rub your face, getting up on your elbow.

“This asshole is here to apologize!” The Joker barks and you have no clue about this new outburst. “Apologize to my Queen!!” he yells at the guy who’s in a pretty bad shape with a black eye, busted lip and a few visible bruises.

“I-I’m sorry…” Nix stammers, groaning in pain.

“For what?!” you feel the need to ask, baffled.

“You don’t need to know!” J shouts. “You are owed apologies and that’s it!”

You don’t fight it and slide to the left corner of the velvet couch, careful not to move the needle in your vein.

“Apologize for waking her up too, you bastard!” and J lifts Nix up, violently pulling him towards the door where Frost is waiting to take over.

“I’m s-sorry…for waking you up,” the guy stutters as he gets shoved out of your sound proof retreat.

“Take care of this!” The joker tells Jonny, still fuming.

“Anything I should know?” you reach for your anti-nausea medication and take some.

“Nope, go back to sleep,” J hisses, displeased at how the night turned out. “After your IV is done, we’ll go for a ride.”

“That sounds nice.” You feel like crap but you still give him a smile.

He turns off the lights and hears you:

“Were you defending my honor or something?”

“What honor, Pumpkin?!” he grumbles, shutting the door so you can rest in darkness.

10:05pm

J returned to the VIP room and he’s typing on his laptop. Frost is overseeing what’s going on in the club behind the smoky windows. You part the gold beads and step inside, barely seeing where you’re going; your vision is clouded from the liquid medication you just finished.

“I’m done, baby,” you announce, holding onto the armchair. “I’m drained, I don’t think I can go on that ride tonight. I need to rest, it hurts all over. Can we please go tomorrow?” you beg, closing your eyes when the stomach-turning vertigo sensation creeps up on you.

The Joker gives you a cold stare, still flustered from the earlier incident and not happy to find out about your rain check. He goes back to his typing, mumbling:

“If you’re so miserable, why don’t you hurry up and die, hmm?”  
Frost immediately peeks your way, shocked about what came out of his boss’s mouth; he’s seen you having a lot of bad days before, but you never looked more in pain like you do now.

“Well…” you dig your nails in the purple leather and sigh, heartbroken. “If there is one thing I am very good at lately is dying. So… don’t worry, it will happen soon enough,” and you rush out, stumbling a few times while trying to get away from his venom as fast as possible.

5 more minutes pass and J finally stops typing, annoyed.

“Shit… … … Frost, go get her!” he voices out and Jonny moves away from the window and stops in front of him, speaking up without hesitation:

“Sir, that was very cruel to say to somebody struggling to survive from one day to the other.”

J’s temple is twitching, definitely not liking what Jonny just articulated with such vehemence.

“Did I ask for your opinion, Frost?!” he raises his voice, pissed at the trespass.

“No, sir.”

“Is this a rebellion of some sort?!”

“No, sir, I wouldn’t dare,” Jonny replies with a calm attitude, figuring out this is the best way to go about it.

“Then shut your mouth and bring me my girl!!!” The Joker snarls, considering blowing his trusted man’s brains out.

“Yes, sir,” is the last thing he discerns before the deafening music takes over the club.

10:20pm

Frost couldn’t find you and one of the bouncers reports that saw you driving away in J’s SUV. The news doesn’t go well with The Clown Prince of Crime.

“How is Y/N going to drive in the state she’s in?! She has to take her medications and can’t skip doses!!” J screams at everyone, taken aback by the conflict he created himself, not that he would ever admit it’s his fault. “We have to find her!!!” he directs the operation, instructing all of them to seek in some places he guesses you might be. They are searching all night, unable to find any traces of you.

Finally, around 7am, Richard reports he found J’s car parked near the beach, close to your favorite spot you like to go and look at the ocean. It’s a small, hidden strip of sand behind the highway; at least you went to one of the places The Joker thought you might go to. J doesn’t even know when he got there, driving so fast he almost got unwanted attention from the cops.

You spent the night on the beach, having to stop a lot of times on your way there because you had a hard time seeing and concentrating on driving. You didn’t take your pills, not really giving a damn since they don’t really help anyway as far as you’re concerned. You have a bag full of all the stuff you take, taking out a few at a time and tossing them in the ocean from the flat rock you found refuge on at the crack of dawn.

“That’s 2000 dollars a piece on the black market you’re throwing away Doll,” you hear J’s voice and ignore him, continuing to do as you please. You’re wheezing pretty loud, fighting to breathe since the salty, strong air puts quite the strain on your weakened lungs. You don't’ care: what’s another issue added to the others?!

You shrivel under your thick hoodie, covering your face even more, not wanting to see him.

J comes and sits by you, quietly watching the waves crushing on the nearby stones. He hears you sniffle but doesn’t attempt to uncover your head. His right arm reaches in front of you, holding a purple capsule in the palm of his hand:

“If you take the new med, you don’t have to take the white and brown tablets anymore. I’ll trade you…yes?” The Joker’s voice gets really deep as you move away from him, not replying. “Fine, then I’ll take it! I don’t want to waste 5000 dollars on just one capsule,” and he almost puts it in his mouth when you scoot back towards him and slap his hand. He drops the pill on the sandy rock and you are irked:

“Are you insane?!”

“Is this a trick question, kid?” he licks his lower lip, intrigued.

“It will make you sick, it’s not for healthy people!” you slowly blink and turn to finally face him. He inspects you and it doesn’t look great: your eyes are red from crying all night and the grimace of pain on your face lets him know you didn’t even take your painkillers; your labored breathing makes you shake a bit and the dried blood stains on the sleeve you used to clean your lips with after coughing disturb him.

“Somebody has to take it, it’s expensive!” The Joker has a smooth comeback (in his opinion).

“You have a shitty strategy, you know that?” you pick the capsule up from the sand, wiping it on your pants and swallow it, grumpier than you were before he arrived.

Without any warning, he buries his face in your lap, wrapping his arms around your knees. You try to push him away but he won’t budge.

“I don’t want you to die,” you hear the muttered sentence and it strikes a chord in your heart. “I don’t hate you,” he persists and you whimper when you feel his grip getting tighter. “But you can’t tell anybody, it will ruin my reputation,” he rambles on and you snort, wiping your tears. “As your knight in shining armor…”

“You’re not my knight in shining armor!” you interrupt, softly kicking his arm with your knee.

“Oh, I’m soooorry!” he lifts his head up from your lap, shifting so he can look up to you.” I didn’t see a huge line of suitors fighting for the title!” J sarcastically indicates. “You think that loser will ever show up?? Forget about it, it’s a myth! I’m the only one around so we gotta work with what we have, OK?… Just nod a yes, woman, and stop crying! Can we skip the drama for once?” he kisses your wrist and inhales your scent again. “You smell nice, what is it?” he diverts your attention since he masters this skill also.

“Death,” you divulge, smiling through tears.

He growls, exasperated, pinching your side.

“Shut up! You’re not dying!”

You take the small roll-on perfume decorated with a silver skull out of your pocket, showing him the name: Death.

“Why would you wear a fragrance with this name?!” J snaps, irked.

“It smells nice, you said so yourself,” you defend your choice, forgetting about your emotional surge.

“Gimme!” he urges you and you hand the tiny vial over. He takes it, glances at it for a few seconds then gets up and tosses it as far as he can in the ocean.

You gasp.

“Did you just…throw away my perfume?!”

“Yeah, it sucks! Use another one, you have so many,” The Joker cuts you off, keeping both hands on his bald head, satisfied at his accomplishment. Before you can protest some more, he proceeds with new updates:

“Tonight I’ll have Commissar Gordon kidnaped for you. I’ve been working on it for a month; we’ll take him to your Japanese oasis. Another thing on your dumb bucket list taken care of. “

You have such a happy smirk flourishing on your lips he feels he has no choice but to sit down by you again.

“You’ll get him for me?!”

“U-hum… Wanna kill him?” he pretends not to notice your sudden cough that calms down after you cover your mouth with the side of your hoodie.

“Kill him?! No way, he’s my favorite; I just want to see him.”

“Huh?! I thought Batsy is your favorite!” J waves his hands around, vexed.

“No, Batsy is your favorite, mine is Gordon; you know that,” and you are so dizzy you lean to rest your forehead on his shoulder. The new med must be very strong, you can already tell.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Pumpkin,” he rolls his eyes, faking his surprise.

“Fuck…” you whisper, sweating even if you are cold as ice. “This crap is messing me up, I think I need to go home now…” 

“Penthouse or your house?” J gives you the choice, instantly serious.

“My house, please,” you groan in pain when he helps you up. He signals you to get on his back and you obey, enjoying the piggyback ride. At this point it would be hard for you to walk anyway.

“Why do you have finding out who Batsy is on your list?! Like, why do we care to know who that jerk is ?! Our job is to keep him busy since he seems the type that gets bored easily, am I right? Hey, Doll, wake up,” he pats your leg and you moan, napping since you are so tired and uncomfortable. As soon as you get home, you’ll definitely need at least two painkillers.

The Joker continues to walk, basically talking to himself at this point.

“I know you also wanted to steal more diamonds but I can’t take you on a heist like this: consider it crossed off your idiotic Bucket list. I got you 3 boxes of jewelry so it should be fine for now. We gotta work with what we have, hm?”

He lifts you up higher on his back and struts on the beach.

“Hey, Y/N, I’ll send the boys to get the other vehicle… God, Princess, you’re so light,” he puckers his lips, listening to your heavy breathing in his ear. “I really don’t want you to die…” he stops in his tracks and gently spanks your thighs behind his back. “But I really do hate you, I lied when I said I don’t…”

“Mmmm…” you grumble in your sleep, probably out of it.

J takes advantage of you not being able to fight him and restarts walking:

“You know why it’s clouded? I bet you anything it is because of your big butt, hm? We are having a solar eclipse right now and you’re responsible,” he grins and squints his eyes when he senses your fingers nipping his skin.

“I heard that…” you protest, too tired to do more and doze off again.

The Joker mischievously snickers, sprinting towards the cars he can see in the distance.

He is not the ideal knight in shining armor and you are not the same woman you were before you got ill. But you gotta work with what you have.

Life’s too short to complain.


	3. Chapter 3

J is sleeping with his head against your chest, completely out of it. He likes to do this lately since a lot of times he can’t really tell if you’re still breathing or not. Even if your blood pressure gets really low, he can at least hear your heartbeat and knows you’re alive.

Suddenly, he yanks at your waist so hard it wakes you up and you start coughing in a frenzy, startled.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you ask, trying to calm down and J gasps for air, opening his eyes to look at you.

“I dreamed that you died,” he snuggles to your body even more, panting.

“It was a nightmare; I’m here,” you kiss his forehead and manage to stop coughing. You peek at the clock: only 6am. “We should sleep in, it’s very early.”

The Joker just growls and rubs his eyes, uneasy for a few more moments.

“I’m gonna miss you…” you whisper in his ear.

“I’m not going anywhere, Pumpkin,” he yawns, exhausted.

“But I am…” you sadly smile and he frowns, watching you attempt to get comfortable in his arms.

“NO!” J utters, covering your mouth. “You’re staying with me, OK?”

You don’t reply and he lets go. You feel the need to get it all out before it’s too late:

“I really wanted a baby…with your eyes and my hair. Remember how pretty my hair used to be?”

He doesn’t know what to say and you continue:

“I know you wanted a boy, I’m sorry I can’t have children in the state I’m in…” and you take a deep breath, struggling not to cry.

“Don’t worry about it, Princess, I don’t care,” he grumbles and you peck his lips, getting more and more upset:

“I don’t want to die…” you finally bring it up for the first time ever and bite on your tongue really hard so you won’t start sobbing.

“Jesus, kid, I won’t let you die, OK?!” J strives to comfort you and squeezes you in his arms harder.

“Do you think I’ll make it to my 37th birthday?” you whimper, worried about the gloomy future.

“For God’s sake, of course you will! And then you’ll make it to another one, and another one, and another one… I promise!” he lifts your chin up so you can look at him.

“Really?” you gulp, staring in his blue eyes.

“Yes, I promise!” he insists and you bury your face in his neck, wanting to point out the truth:

“You’re such a shitty liar…” and you sniffle, quietly crying on his skin.

J would like to say more, but decides it’s better to change the subject since he feels flustered himself.

“Did you just wipe your nose on my shoulder?!”

“M-maybe…” you stammer, snorting.

“That’s just gross, Doll. I put up with a lot of stuff, but I have to draw a line here, alright?” he elbows you and you retreat to your pillow so you can see him better.

“You should let your hair grow,” you suggest, stroking his shaved head, actually wanting to talk about something else too. 

“I don’t want to!” he huffs, tracing your jawline with his fingers.

“I miss your green hair, you know that?” you admit, playing with his diamond earring.

“Meh, I don’t,” he grumbles, stubborn as always.

“You think I should wear wigs?” you crinkle your nose, not excited at your own proposal.

“Nahhh, I like you bald, I got used to it. This way we match, hm?”

“That’s good,” you sigh, relieved,” because I don’t want to wear wigs. If it’s not my hair, I don’t want it.”

“Wise decision, Pumpkin. I mean, you look decent enough, especially with makeup on. I have high standards and I had to lower them for you. The sacrifices I make…I’m so selfless and altruistic, a true gentleman and an exemplary boyfriend.”

You watch him with your mouth open, intrigued. You don’t even notice you’re not crying anymore.

“What?!”

“You heard me, you naughty minx. You’re suuuuch a lucky woman,” he eagerly mentions. “Do you know how many girls are waiting in line to get a piece of this?” J scoffs with an attitude.

You turn around towards the glass sliding door, glaring outside at the deserted back yard, not even a bird this early in the morning.

“Wow, so many women willing to take on The Clown Prince of Crime,” you pretend to be surprised. “We do have a huge line on the patio. Which one do you want?”

He snickers and you giggle, finally amused.

“Shut up, Y/N,” he shifts you towards him again, locking his arms around your neck.“Let’s sleep in so zip it. Oh, and for the record: this was the worst pillow talk we ever had!”

You indifferently blink, liking the idea of having a lazy morning:

“It wasn’t that bad…What worries me though is all those women waiting to get you; we should give them numbers, I don’t want them to fight about who goes first,” you kiss him and he purrs, annoyed.

“I am a very wanted man!”

“Yeah, by the cops and Batsy…” you mutter and J smirks, victorious:

“Still counts!!”

“If you say so…”

After 10 minutes

“J…?”

“Hm?”

“After I die, can you please get a girlfriend that’s not as pretty as me?” you beg, anguished.

“Shush!” and he slaps your butt; The Joker absolutely hates it when you bring this up.

“At least you’ll be able to have children…” you ignore his warning, sensing another wave of hurtful feelings washing all over you.

“Cut it out, Y/N!”

“I…I hope your kids are ugly!!!!” you have an outburst while he rolls his eyes, irritated. But he knows you’re depressed and he knows the reason why: yesterday, your blood tests came back bad (again) and the weekly doctor visit didn’t go to too well either. All after you tried 3 new drugs that supposedly worked OK in the experimental phase but didn’t do anything for you and it’s discouraging.

****************

After waking up, you are both hanging out in the kitchen. You are looking at the breakfast food that Frost dropped off, not wanting to eat one single item; you’re already nauseated. A bunch of your favorites and it almost makes you gag. You study the lab results, sulking, wishing for once there was some kind of improvement.

“Eat something, Pumpkin,” J urges you, taking a bite out of a fresh bagel.

“I’m not hungry,” you sigh, reading without seeing anything but demoralizing news.

“You have to eat, that’s why you’re so skinny,” he gives you a cup of coffee and you take a sip to please him.

“I’m not skinny because I’m not eating and you know it…” you speak in a low voice, licking your lips. He decides not to reply. “J…?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t mean it when I said I want your kids to be ugly…”

“Drop it, Kitten!” he pouts, moving some strawberries on a small plate.

“But…how can they be cute if I’m not their mom?…” you swallow your tears and take deep breaths, trying to cool down.

“I said drop it!” J barks and you gaze at the yummy goodies he put together for you, nibbling on a muffin, this way he won’t complain you’re not eating. He watches how much you struggle to pretend you’re alright after he cut you off and doesn’t like it.

“Did it hurt, Princess?” The Joker winks, getting your attention.

“Huh?”

“Did it hurt?”

“What baby?” you inquire, confused.

“When that portal from hell opened and you spawned through it right into my life,” he grins, very confident in his seduction technique.

Your eyes get big and you chuckle, then actually start laughing, entertained.

“You have the worst pickup lines, but I actually like this one! Do you have more?” you suggest he keeps going, placing your elbows on the counter and checking him out in those gray sweatpants that keep on sliding down every time he moves. J never bothers to tighten the string.

“Excuse you, Doll,” he huffs, “if my pickup lines are horrible, then why are you blushing?!”

“I’m not blushing, I have hot flashes from my pills,” you defend you rosy cheeks, flattered.

“Nonsense! You’re all worked up about it, don’t lie!”

You hop on the counter and crawl on his side, eager to touch your boyfriend. He drags you in front of him and you sit up there while holding his hands, curious to hear what’s next:

“Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” he roars and you bounce your legs, excited.

“Hehehehe,” you giggle on his chest and he tries not to laugh.

“Is there a mirror in your pants, Doll? Cause I can see myself in them,” he pulls on your bottom lip and you bite his finger, feeling your cheeks getting warmer.

“It’s the hot flashes,” you try to defend yourself and he is not buying it.

“Don’t think so!” he tugs on your tank top, preparing his lethal weapon: “Princess, you turn my software into hardware.”

You snort so loud it echoes all over the place.

“Oh my God, this is terrible!” you shake your head, though fascinated at how bad it sounded.

“No, for reals, you do!” J hums in your ear and you look down at his crotch.

“A-ha, I can tell!”

“You’re such a perv, Pumpkin; my eyes are up here,” the cocky answer comes without hesitation. You kiss his Jester tattoo and walk your fingers down his abs, anxious to do something about this new spin on your morning. The anti-nausea meds you took are starting to work so might as well take advantage; who knows how many times you’ll be able to sleep with him before…

The Joker gets you out of your daze:

“Wow, Y/N, you seem so desperate to get me naked; don’t you have any pride left?!”

“Not really,” you brazenly admit and moan when you feel his hands all over you.

“You’re a good kisser, kid,” J parts from your lips and takes off your tank top, tossing it on the chair.

“For sure,” you approve, sliding back more so he can get on the counter too. He starts kissing his way down your waist and you scream.

“You’re starting early, I like it…Daddy’s gonna make you…”

You scream louder:

“Spider!!!”

“Huh?!”

“Spider!!!!!” you point behind him and he turns his head to look: there is indeed a little creature crossing the wall on top of the sink. “Do something, baby, I hate spiders!!!” you shiver under him, getting goosebumps.

“For God’s sake, woman, I’m trying to have sex here!” he mutters, aggravated at the interruption.

“I hate spiders! Please kill it!!!!” you implore, digging your nails in his back.

“All the stuff you use to do before you got sick and you’re still afraid of spiders?!” J gets off the counter and you cling to him, stiff as a board:

“I detest these insects; so nasty, ewwww. Please kill it!” you beg once more, choking the life out of him. He grabs a tissue from the box, heading over to grant your wish while your legs are squeezing his waist with a strength he didn’t think you have left in you; both your arms are wrapped around his neck super tight - you definitely are tense and disgusted.

The Joker smooshes the culprit and now it’s resting in peace in the trashcan where it belongs.

“Happy now?” he grins, heading back towards the counter.

“Thank you, baby, I really can’t stand those beasts! You really are my knight in shining armor.”

“Told ya’!” he puffs, full of himself. “Any more crap I have to kill before we get down to business?”

“No, I think we’re good now,” your body finally relaxes when you are placed back on the countertop and he can finally breathe normal again.

“You still have a mean grip, you know that? You certainly have your skills Doll,” J praises you, actually surprised on how powerful your clasp was.

“Of course I still have them, just didn’t use them in forever. I’m not completely useless, OK?” you smack your lips and he is fast to push you on your back, smirking.

“Less talk and more action, Princess! The only word I wanna hear you scream is my name, understood?”

“Spider!!!!” you shout, teasing, and then surrender under his weight.

“Ha! Funny!” he growls, yearning to have you once more.

*******************

When the night comes, you can’t sleep at all. You keep on tossing and turning, somber thoughts flooding your mind. You decide to go in the backyard and walk it off because you don’t want to keep J up with your restlessness. He isn’t actually sleeping, just pretends and watches as you march out there in your sheer white nightgown, deep in meditation. Just like a ghost, he catches himself thinking and his heart aches but doesn’t want to pay attention to the feeling.

Your frail shape stops in the front of the roses you love so much and you drop in the grass, not feeling the chill, staring at everything without seeing. The Joker sneaks outside, aware you are probably freezing and drags you back in, while you silently follow his steps.

Once you’re in bed under the covers, he’s trying to get you warm and for the first time he’s not telling you to shut up when you speak up about things you really want to get off your chest. All your dying wishes, the most personal and intimate emotions meant only for his ears are whispered in a soft, low voice. You keep on going, relived you got such a heavy burden off your shoulders.

“I left you everything. After I die, all the funds from my estate will go into that account that belongs to the mysterious Jack Green we both know,” you caress his face and he grinds his teeth in denial.

“I don’t want your money…”

You disregard the words.

“It will come from Mrs. Emily Green, you know how much I always loved this identity. So when you see the wire transfer with that name, it will be from me. I already made the arrangements, I’m not changing my will; it’s signed. I can’t take the money with me, might as well give it to someone I care about. Keep this house and use it, yes? I really love it, nobody will bother you here, it’s a very good hideout. And try not to get yourself killed, ok? You’re so impulsive…”

“You’re more impulsive than me!” J sneers because for the first time in his life he’s at a lack of words.

“Used to be. I didn’t do anything crazy in so long it actually makes me the mellow one. Go figure!” you joke, not even sad for the moment being. It’s just so natural to let it all out.

“I really don’t want your money nor the house…I’m not gonna let you die, so there’s no need for any of this, Doll,” your boyfriend studies your reactions, intrigued.

“That’s nice… it almost sounds like you love me or something,” you tease, cozy on the fluffy pillows.

“I doubt it,” he furrows his invisible eyebrows, uneasy.

“Tell you what, baby: after I die, if you miss me so much it hurts it means that you loved me; if not, you should be fine,” the simple explanation is fast to follow and the abrupt reply makes you whimper:

“It already hurts…”

“Well,” you manage to stay strong and not burst into tears,” now that we both found out the answer to this crucial problem, I think we can rest, hm?”

“I’m so tired…” is the only thing he says before electing to inform you: “I have a meeting with him again tomorrow night.”

“NO!!!” you jump up, shaking J to show your disapproval. “NO!! Don’t go!! Stop meeting him! Stop going! It will be an ambush or something, you’ll get captured and locked away and I will die alone! …I-I can’t die alone!!!” you scream, alarmed.

“We are meeting on neutral ground, he won’t try anything. Never did before. And Princess, I’ve set forces in motion you can’t even imagine,” he tries to calm you down while you shake with anxiety. ”I know he might have something for you that I can’t get my hands on. This time, he’s the one that requested the meeting so I think he’s going to use that as leverage to negotiate some kind of terms about his precious Gotham and all the poor souls he has the audacity to believe he protects.”

“No, no way! He’s bluffing, he has nothing for me! Don’t go! Please! He just wants to catch you and take you away and I… just can’t die alone…” you nervously bite on your nails, hopelessly trying to make him change his mind.

“Kitten, you know I don’t leave anything to chance. I’m going and you can’t stop me!!”

“No, please don’t go!” you keep on imploring, scared for this new plan he seems very decided to carry on. “What if it’s a trap? I can’t afford to lose you, I can’t…I just can’t die alone…please?”

“There’s no trap, and even if it were, I’m prepared. Don’t worry, I got it all covered. When do I ever put myself in danger for no reason?”

“Like…all the time!” you gulp, scratching your arm in denial. “Don’t go…”

J signals you to place your head on his chest and you comply, being so worked up you’re wheezing; it’s so difficult to breathe and this doesn’t help.

“Don’t stress out, Pumpkin…I won’t let you die!” The Joker reinforces his declaration, wishing you would unwind and go back to sleep.

*****************

He’s been gone all morning and you have no idea where he went; no answer to your texts or calls, probably getting ready for tonight. You hear the sliding glass door and turn towards the patio, guessing it’s him. You take a few steps and freeze, confused: he walks inside holding a girl’s hand. She is very pretty, well dressed and seems nervous.

“Who is this?!” you narrow your eyes, baffled.

“This Doll, is my future girlfriend. After you die, she’ll take your place. Wanna look around, honey?” he winks at the girl and you resentfully gasp. “All this will be yours after Y/N is gone from the picture. Lovely home, you’ll enjoy it,” he gropes her and you crack your neck, walking towards them with a menacing demeanor.

“Get her out of my fucking house!!” you mutter through your clenched teeth, grinding your jaw so hard it’s painful.

She tries to escape J’s hold but he keeps her near:

“Don’t move!” he commands, pissed when she whines:

“Mister J, I don’t want to be here…Please let me go…”

You are getting closer.

“Get out or I’ll break your neck! I might be weak but I can still do it! GET OUT!!!” you shout at the woman and J tightens his grip on her.

“Don’t move!” he warns and as she struggles to escape. “My current girl here,” the Prince of Crime nods his head towards you,” has it ALL figured out for me: she plans to die and I’m supposed to get a new girlfriend, have kids and leave happily ever after. I’ll even inherit her fortune, which is substantial, I assure you,” he turns his icy glaze towards you and you almost can’t hear: your heart is beating so fast and loud it’s deafening.

“Get out or I swear I’m going to kill you!!!” your voice alerts in such a threatening way she finally uses all her strength to yank her hand away from his and backs out, taking advantage of the fact that you stopped in front of J as the perfect moment to escape the house.

“What the hell are you doing???” you yell at him on a verge of a nervous breakdown; this is the last thing that you need.

He smiles in such an eerie way and has the nerve to pretend it’s the most normal question when it comes out of his mouth:

“Are you jealous?”

“Wha’……????” you are taken aback, not understanding what’s going on. “What is the meaning of all this ??”

“ARE. YOU. JEALOUS?” J pronounces each word in a strange manner and you can tell he’s mad. And so are you.

“Yes, I’m jealous!” you blur out, wanting to slap him so badly. “What games are you playing??!! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You know why you’re jealous?” he continues, disregarding your justified tirade.

“???!!”

What’s going on? you think, completely out of it.

“Let me enlighten you, Princess,” he grumbles, annoyed. “You are jealous because you’re still alive, do you even understand what it means anymore? Stop making plans for me, stop talking about dying and give me a break! I’m sick of listening to all of it! You’re still here!” and him charging at you and kissing you passionately like he didn’t see you in years takes you by surprise. You respond to the kiss, unable to hear your own thoughts or react in any other way.

“Did you feel that?” he breaths on your lips and you moan a faint yes. “Great! It means that you’re alive!” he pushes you away, annoyed and heads over to exit the backyard, not before kicking a few bottles with your meds on the floor.

“Who’s that girl?” you raise your voice and he is already out, barely bothering to satisfy your curiosity:

“How the hell should I know?! Just a dancer at the club!”

You have no clue about what got into him, but you stood there petrified for a good 30 minutes.

*******************

11:30pm- neutral ground located behind the abandoned highway 205

“Finally! You’re 6 minutes late!” J jumps off the hood of his purple Lamborghini when he notices Batman emerging from the shadows. “Do you have it?” he stretches, pretending to be indifferent but in fact very alert.

“I do,” the distorted voice lets him know as his nemesis stops at a safe distance, only a few feet away.

“Does it work?” The Joker wants to know right away.

“It does. And I’m the only one that has access to it. Experiments showed amazing results, not certain if it will ever reach the medical market. If it does, it will be at least 5 more years,” Bruce Wayne explains as fast as he can.

“My girl doesn’t have 5 years!” he barks, straitening his back. “I assume you wanted to meet because you want to bargain? What do you want in exchange?”

His silver teeth glisten under the flickering neon light, the shaved head giving him even a more psychotic aura.

“Every month you stay put and don’t cause trouble, you get a month worth of the medication. Plain and simple,” Batman replies.

A vague cackle, then a louder laugher followed by full blown temperamental outpouring of lunacy:

“Awww, such a good deal!” The Joker claps his hands, faking his happiness. “But I have even a better proposal !” his blue eyes get big with anticipation. “I’ve been reeeeeally busy in the last 2 months; let’s say Gotham may or may not be under an imminent attack. Certain people may or may not have placed explosives all over the place: residential homes, bridges, schools, hospitals, anything you can think of. You will never be able to find all of them!! Something happens and I don’t get the med, it all goes to shit ! Would you prefer your precious city goes down in the same time or piece by piece?” he snickers with an evil grimace.

“Don’t push it !” Bruce Wayne snaps, tossing a vial containing your much needed remedy towards his adversary and J catches it mid air, placing it in his pocket.

“Don’t make me!!!” he growls, retreating back into his car and driving away into the night while The Batman debates if The King of Gotham is bluffing or not. Knowing him, probably not.

******************

“Go tell your mom she’s needed for important paperwork in the master bedroom after you fall asleep tonight, OK?” J urges his 4 year old son to go outside in the garden where you sit on a blanket under the tree, reading.

Kaden runs over, stumbling with anticipation, eager to give you the news:

“Moooommm!!!!” he screams up a storm and lands in your lap, excited: “Dad said you have paperwork tonight!”

You and The Joker love to use him as a messenger; he’s absolutely adorable and even if the poor kid doesn’t remember everything he’s supposed to say when he runs from one parent to the other, it’s still awesome and it makes your day.

“Go tell Daddy that’s fine,” you smile, kissing his cheek and he gets up, rushing inside to communicate the update:

“Daaaaddd!!!!!” he almost staggers and falls on the carpet, “Mommy said OK!!!”

“Goody!! Hey, com’ere!” J signals him and Kaden giggles, jumping up and down until he gets picked up and sat on the table. “Now go ask your mom if she wants another baby, don’t let me down, alright?” The Joker puckers his lips, winking at the little boy. He reaches for the nearby drawer, takes out a piece of paper and scribbles on it, then hands it over to his son. “Give her this too, ok? Us, guys, have to help each other, hm?”

“Yes, dad!” the little boy passes his fingers through his father’s green hair, enthusiastic he has such an important task. 

Once he is put back on the ground, Kaden races over to you:

“Daddy wanted to know if you want another baby,” he sniffles, covering his mouth with his small hands.

You roll your eyes and look down at your 4 month pregnant bump, mumbling:

“Soooo funny… Anyway, mommy’s too old so after your brother is born, that’s it.”

Your son snickers and pulls on your hair that now reaches down to your shoulders, making you pay attention to the paper he’s giving you.

“From daddy,” he explains and you take it, unfolding the note. You gasp when you realize it’s your old Bucket List, now having a “check mark” symbol by “- a family” wish. You take a deep breath, looking towards the house to see if J is in sight but you don’t notice him. You get teary and fold back the paper, hiding it between the pages of your book. The Joker is actually behind the curtain, sipping on his whiskey, savoring your reaction.

“Go tell daddy I already have 3 kids, so we’re good,” you whisper in Kaden’s ear and he darts inside, yelling:

“Daaaaad, she said she already has 3 kids!!!”

“What??!! 3 kids?!” he frowns, aggravated. “That’s rude! Tell her she’s rude!” The messenger runs for it.

“Daddy said you’re rude,” the little one pants, snorting when you start laughing.

“Whatever,” you make him sit down, struggling to keep him still in your lap so you can apply the purple hair mascara on a few strands of his hair. J goes crazy for it so you try to do it daily since it’s being washed at night. “Go show your dad how cute you are! And tell him he’s my favorite poison. Give me a kiss before you go!”

“Muahhh,” he pecks your lips and flees. After a few moments J shouts:

“Hey Doll, is that a pickup line?!”

“Yeesss!!!!” you yell back so he can hear you.

“That’s a good one!”

“I know!!!!!”

You read for 5 more minutes when they both come out: Kaden is holding a bottle of water and you know what it means: time to take your med.

“Here Princess,” The Joker opens the vial, giving you one tablet. “It’s that magical time of the day.”

You swallow the pill and he crawls on the blanket, resting his head on your tummy. Your son is playing around with his toys, preoccupied with a butterfly that landed on his bike.

“I thought the magical time of the day is going to be tonight when we have to fill out all that tedious paperwork in the master bedroom,” you elbow him and he purrs.

“Certainly; so much paperwork, that’s why I need your help,” he softly bites your wrist and you pinch his arm. “Hey, Y/N, besides being sexy and pregnant, what do you do for a living?” he turns on his side, facing you. “Wow, are you blushing?!”

“No way, hot flushes from my treatment,” the defensive answer comes.

“Lies, lies, lies,” J bickers, kissing the bump.

“You have the worse pickup lines,” you shake your head, teasing him.

“Got you pregnant twice, didn’t I ? So if you have a complaint, you should file one tonight with the rest of the paperwork,” the smug reply follows.

You stare at each other for a few seconds before smiling:

“Shut up, J,” you kick him with your knee and go back to reading while he closes his eyes, relaxing in the shadow.

Definitely her knight in shining armor, The Joker thinks before snoozing. No other losers in line for the job…which…makes me the loser, I suppose. Oh, well, could be worse, he reckons, snuggling by you even more.


End file.
